Funny Situations
by Daxius X
Summary: Eight Parodies, New Star Wars Chapter!
1. Unplug me NOW!

The Matrix Funny situations:  
  
"Oh, Trinity!" cried Neo as he climaxed inside of her.  
  
They were having wild passionate love in the matrix, for a change. Just for the fun of it. But then...  
  
"Hello, Mr. Anderson" said Agent Smith, who had just taken over Trinity's body for the last 5 minutes.  
  
"Eurgggghhhh!" moaned a disgusted Neo. 


	2. Well, Duh

Harry Potter  
  
*****  
  
"Thank you Harry. You-...you truly are your fathers son." said Sirius Black.  
  
"Well, duh, did you just figure that out?"  
  
*****  
  
Dudes, before you send me flames, bear in mind I'm just poking fun at that section, and I am a totally loyal Potter-verse Fan. 


	3. Mind Tricks

Location: Mustafar

* * *

"Forget it, Anakin, I have the higher ground." called Obi-Wan.

"You underestimate the power of the Dark side, my old master," drawled Anakin Skywalker.

"Don't try it!" warned Obi-Wan.

'_Don't try it? Theres that reverse psychology stuff going on again! He WANTS me to try it! Well then, I won't try it! Unless... that's what he wants! That's it, I get it now! I'M GOIN' FOR IT!' thought Anakin. _

As Anakin leaped, Obi-Wan gave a mental sigh.

'_Damn it! Should have used reverse psychology!'_

Obi-Wan's lightsaber whirled around as he sliced at Anakin's descending body, the blade a cyclone of blue light.

Anakin's limbless body fell down, slipping and falling towards the river of lava. Anakin clutched at the ashy hill, but his grip only weakened the ground and he slipped further. His body caught on fire and he screamed as the flames burned at his skin. Through the pain he could hear Obi-Wan talking, his voice clouded as though far away. Anger surged through Anakin's body.

"Rrrrrgh... I HATE YOU!" he screamed.

"You were my brother, Anakin, and I loved you," replied Obi-Wan, as he stooped over and picked up Anakin's lightsaber.

Relief spread through Anakin. '_At least he's going to finish me off and end this nightma... HANG ON!'_

"Where do you think you're going! Aren't you going to finish me off!" shrieked Anakin at Obi-Wan's retreating back.

"No..." responded Obi-Wan with a puzzled look.

"What about all that crap about loving me, eh? Aren't you going to put me out of my misery? I'm burning alive here!" yelled Anakin desperately.

"Yeah, well, tough. I think I'll just laugh at you actually."

For the next 15 minutes Anakin seethed in rage as Obi-Wan laughed at him.

'_You are SO going to die next time I meet you.' _thought Anakin as Obi-Wan finally departed. _'Next time, _I _will be the master.'_

A single tear fell from Anakin's face as he saw Emperor Palpatine approach. It was his last tear, and as it hit the ashes it immediately turned to steam.


	4. You are Blind to your World

"You must choose now. The Red pill... or the Blue one?" Morpheus asks, holding out both hands, the pills in his palms.

Neo looks down at them. Through his eyes you can see he is colour-blind.

"Uhhh..."


	5. Oh FU

Gandalf smiled inwardly as he raised his staff. His really cool moment was about to happen. This would be the BEST exit anybody on Middle-Earth would witness, _EVER_.

"YOU!!! SHALL NOT--" he began.

"Gandalf!" cried a voice behind him.

"-- What is it, Frodo!" snapped Gandalf, annoyed his uber-cool line had been sabotaged by the cute little attention-seeking hobbit.

"...I, uh, dropped the Ring somewhere along the way, while we were running..." admitted Frodo.

It took a moment for this to fully sink in. Gandalf had a very bad feeling as he looked up at the Balrog and a deep throaty laughter filled the valley of Khazadum.

The Balrog was holding a tiny golden band in between its claws. Gandalf watched in horror as the One Ring grew and expanded in size. The Balrog of Morgoth slipped the Ring onto its shadowy finger. And promptly disappeared from sight.

Gandalf was in shock. There was an _invisible Balrog_ on the loose.

"Oh, FU--!"

* * *

A/N: Oh yeah. Just imagine the terror the Balrog would inflict on Middle Earth. Can you imagine how futile it would be for the Ringwraiths to TRY to get it back? Imagine, orc armies squished by an invisible flaming Balrog. Gollum trying to get it back... 


	6. Dying Thoughts

Theoden, the rather blind and somewhat delirious King of Rohan, looked up at the figure that stood over his dying body.

"I know your face... Eowyn..." he whispered.

"Who the hell you calling Eowyn, fool?" cried Gandalf. Gandalf felt very insulted indeed to be compared to Eowyn, when it was clear his hair was far fairer and prettier than that blonde.

Theoden chose to ignore this as he prattled on.

"My body is broken..."

"No shit, you got a horse on you!"

* * *

A/N: And so on...


	7. Day of Reckoning

Clark Kent was thinking of new ways to slowly turn Lana Lang insane, when he came up with a great idea!

"I'll propose to her!" he cried, and he promptly called Lana and told her (in the most mysterious voice he could muster) to come in her warmest winter clothing.

About twenty minutes later, Clark had expertly hooked up a hidden stereo so that as Lana walked up the stairs to his Loft the James Blunt song 'Beautiful' would begin playing, so that Clark could turn around from what he hoped was a very thoughtful pose and mysteriously give Lana the big 'I have so many secrets and it's time for you to find out about them... later...' speech.

About another twenty minutes later, which Clark didn't notice since the editors of the show cut it out so that it seemed like Clark and Lana had stepped into the Kawatche Caves instantly, instead of showing us the extremely awkward tension that must have occurred in the car ride, Clark and Lana stepped into the hidden room in the Caves. Lana at this time was going so insane from the suspense that she had actually burnt out a couple of brain fuses and was in shock, only asking the occasional question like 'Clark what's happening?' or 'Why are we here?', to which Clark would give increasingly vague answers so as to maintain the insanity inducing suspense.

Soon they were in the Fortress of Solitude, a place so freezing cold that Chloe nearly died from it, but Lana seemed to be perfectly fine in her cute and stylish fluffy jacket so Clark naturally didn't ask her if she was okay from the sudden transition from Kansas Heat to Arctic Winds. Clark then went on to drabble on about how he was from an alien planet and at the point of highest tension he turned to Lana and stared at her silently, putting the horrible Clark Kent's Big Secret Pressure ™ on her. Lana of course couldn't reject Clark, and so had to flimsily try and make it seem like it was okay for an alien to look exactly like a human being only with superpowers. Then Clark grabbed Lana and they jumped up to a really high up platform for no apparent reason, except maybe Clark wanted Lana to feel even colder at the higher altitude.

Then Clark pulled out a special lump of coal and proceeded to pretend to crush it. Of course, unbeknownst to Lana, Clark had already nicked a diamond from Lex's electric toothbrush (yes Lex actually had diamonds encrusted on his electric toothbrushes) and had hidden it inside the lump of coal, because to be honest with you its very difficult to squeeze a lump of coal so hard that you will produce a diamond, especially one that's already been cut. Then Clark took the little diamond that he had apparently created and stuck it in a gold wedding band (nicked from Lex's fluffy rabbit's foot keyring) and melted it onto the ring, the melting of which Clark was proud to say was one hundred percent his. And then he stuck the obviously scorching hot ring onto Lana's finger, but since she was already frozen numb and had long lost any feeling in her limbs from the Arctic cold, she didn't complain, and they listened to her cute little finger sizzle.

And then blah blah blah, Lana died, Clark turned back time, and Jonathon Kent died. Then Clark decided 'to hell with it' and broke up with Lana, insert stuff about the Lexana baby that didn't exist, General Zod taking over the world, Bizarro died and that's all we've watched at this point in time. Has anybody else noticed that anybody who loves Lana DIES?


	8. Troubling Results

"Obi-Wan, do you know why you're here?"

"I think I have an inkling, Master Windu."

"What the hell were you thinking?"

"I _thought_ it might do the boy some good. Keep his mind off things."

"Mistaken you were, Master Kenobi. A turn for the worst, this situation has taken. Concerns us greatly, it does."

"Master Yoda, I'm afraid I don't see what the big deal is. Surely this is as trivial a matter as any other?"

"See for yourself, you must."

"Of course, but I don't think that it will change my-- Oh God. Oh GOD. OH GOD, NO! NO! NOOOOO!!!!!"

"My reaction exactly that was, when shown these results before. Dropped my marshmallow, I did. 'God Oh, God Oh, No God Oh NO' I cried. Was enjoying that marshmallow, I was."

Yoda broke down, weeping over his lost marshmallow. Mace Windu patted the little green muppet on the back, then looked up at Obi-Wan with hardened eyes.

"You know what must be done, Obi-Wan."

"Yes, Master Windu. I must execute Anakin Skywalker."

* * *

"Anakin, do you know why you've been called into the Council room?"

"Uh, not really. But I'm getting real uncomfortable with my master; he keeps staring at my neck and calculating how many nanoseconds it will take to decapitate me with his lightsaber."

"Obi-Wan, I think you should start blinking."

"No. I can't do that. I won't."

Anakin shifted uncomfortably under his master's gaze.

"So, uh... why was I called here?"

"Anakin, explain _this_."

Mace Windu pressed a button on his console, a large holographic screen activating across the centre of the Council chamber.

"I don't understand," said Anakin hesitantly.

"These results trouble us greatly, young Skywalker. I'm afraid you must be executed."

"_What?!_"

"Allow me to read through these results. First, you killed all your allies in a brutal rage once you had taken the secret parts they held. Then, you destroyed the rest of the civilisation on that planet because they would not submit to you unconditionally. Then, you conquered the rest of the galaxy, killing and enslaving all non humans. Then you designed a spacecraft known as the Death Star, which is equipped with a laser so powerful it can wipe out entire planets! What do you have to say for yourself?!"

"It was just a game of _SPORE_!"

5.452 nanoseconds later, Obi-Wan struck.


End file.
